Archive:

What i know, that i say

Do horses ever say "i'm so hungry i can eat a human?"

My girlfriend keeps saying that she needs here space so i brought home an employment application from nasa...

I might be an asshole but i'm your kind of asshole.

In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off facebook. That'll teach'em to fuck with you.

I decided to burn lots of calories today so i set a fat person on fire!

Twilight, taking the "n" out of "vampire fangs" since 2007

Drink fast! I look better drunk!

Whoever said money can't buy happiness never tried to get drunk on a dollar.

My mom told me to take turns on the sled with my little brother so i have the sled going down the hill and he has it going up the hill.


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